Thursday, September 5, 2013

Long Story Short

How do you tell the people you love that you have a brain tumor without setting them into panic mode?   I've spent the last week walking around thinking....I have a brain tumor...I have a brain tumor....I have a brain tumor.

I try to take everything in my life in little steps.  If you stare at the big picture too long, you get overwhelmed but if you break it down into pieces that you can manage....well, it tends to lessen the overwhelming desire to stand in the middle of Walmart screaming "I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR"  

I have told a select few...My honey, my mother, my father & step-mom, one friend, two acquaintances and one stranger.  That's it so far.

Here's the long story short:  Research shows that when symptomatic it is recommended to remove the tumor.  The problem is that some of the symptoms are also symptoms related to fibromyalgia fibro fog..  So right now, I don't know if it's from the tumor or the fibro.  Next step, see a neurologist.  I'm scheduled in September and on the waiting list.

I spoke with a friend last night.  She called because she was having some issues that she wanted to talk through.  This is the friend that honestly, I've been resenting because she hasn't "been there" for me since I've been sick.  In the course of the discussion, she revealed something that made me very ashamed of my resentment. It's well known by those that know her that she suffers from anxiety.  She was telling me how the last few days (about 5) she has been overcome with anxiety.  In the course of the discussion, I was trying to help her to understand that we have to fight back by breaking things down into small things and that we also need to embrace the positive and happy things we have in our lives, that way it's easier to handle when something bad comes up.  Here is where she told me that there are certain people in her life that she couldn't handle if something happened to them.  She included me as one of those.  She was very clear that if something bad were to happen she literally would not be able to be there to help support any of these people because she would be a mess.  I never thought about how my fibro was affecting her.

I can't not tell my family. God forbid something happens suddenly(which is often the case with these types of things) and I haven't spoken to them first.  But how....How do I keep their anxiety at bay when I am havinng a tough time holding my own a little at this point. I'm staying positive  but I just keep thinking....


I ......have.......a.........brain..........tumor!  

Like I said when we found Roxie, my dog's, tumor.....keep saying the word...it takes the power away from it.  

I think we need a family meeting.  But holy shit.....how do I reassure them and make it not a big deal for them?

Let's not forget my honey....my mountain that believes that if we don't talk about things they will go away.  He knows......he hasn't really had much to say..  He's listened to me....but what could possibly be going through his mind.

One step at a time....call friends who can handle it....schedule family meeting....then tell friends who can't handle it....

Tuesday, August 20, 2013