Friendship

As those of you that know me are aware, I have been recovering from surgery on 12/26 to remove my tonsils, part of my uvula and part of my soft palate.
There were 2 reasons for the surgery.
1. I have spent the majority of my life with tonsillitis .
2. I have sleep apnea.
Now #2 is most important in relation to my fibromyalgia . One of the symptoms of fibromyalgia is fatigue that is often compounded by lack of healthy sleep. My thinking is that sleep apnea is not helping the situation. Since there was a solution available, it was in my best interest to try.

All that being said, I have had a lot of time to look inward as well as be a quiet observer outwardly.

Looking inward has brought forth some important questions and possibly some answers. I came to wonder: what is a good friend? And naturally the next question that came to mind is: Am I a good friend?

A good friend is someone who is there for you without you necessarily having to ask them to be. Good friends are few and far between but I do have some. Distance becomes somewhat of an impudence but that doesn't change the fact that there are people in my life that I know I can pick up a phone and they will answer.

Now the second question had me very worried because I don't think I can just unilaterally declare myself a good friend. I know that there are some that no matter what time day or night, I will answer their call and help to manage their latest crisis . But I also know that I have made some promises to help a friend proofread something but due to dealing with health, kids & work, I didn't do it. Just doesn't feel very friend like to me. I also wonder if a crisis should arise for certain friends,who have always been there for me, would I be the person they call? I don't know. Does that make me a bad friend?

Or is there a balance? Are we constantly paying it forward? I listen to Jane meanwhile Jill listens to me. With all my introspection, I didn't come to a firm answer......am I a good friend?

Only a true friend could answer that for me.....and if I'm not, please tell me, how can I be better?