Friday, January 3, 2014
"Uncharted"
I reserve the right to return at a later date to delve deeper into this subject. Today's photograph is entitled "Uncharted". Enjoy :)
Thursday, January 2, 2014
January 2,2014 "Perseverance"
There is a blizzard currently blowing around outside my door. They have decided to name the storm "Hercules". I chose to photograph the Rose from our garden that is still standing even in the middle of this storm. Not only is she standing but there is an undeniable beauty lying within this rose as it stands against the storm. Her perseverance is evident. So without further ado, I introduce "Perseverance".
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
January 1,2014 Renew
As the new year begins, as promised dear reader, I begin my journey into regaining my self worth through photography. I spent a lot of time, when I wasn't napping, deciding what my first photograph for my Project365 2014 would be. I chose the following photograph because I am hopeful that 2014 will be the light that lifts me out of the darkness 2013. I hope you enjoy "Renew"!
As always should you choose to share anything from my blog, be sure to give credit where due as I do not give up any copyrights by sharing it here.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Goodbye & Good Riddance 2013!
Moving on from 2013 is not going to be very difficult. Looking back over the year I can pick out a few gems in a mountain of dung. My high school reunion was a high point due to some very special people who are close to my heart. A good friend got married this year to the love of her life and their joy makes me happy. My boys got their GED's this year! My daughter was inducted into the National Honor Society & got her drivers license! Greg has been amazingly supportive when he could have understandingly run for the hills.
But 2013 took more than it gave unfortunately. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & the disease has made me have to redefine not only my life but also myself. I am no longer the person I was a year ago. I can no longer work. It overshadows everything I do and there isn't one time that my actions are limited by my disease. I can't even do my own grocery shopping anymore. I've spent the majority of my life overcoming obstacles and keeping things positive. I've spent the majority of my life asserting my independence and doing everything I had to do to provide for y children. This disease has become my greatest challenge. I'm looking forward to 2014 with cautious hope. I am going to find the new me! Hopefully I will be able to find my optimism again. I'm going to find a way to shake this funk off. I pray that they at least find a better medication for this disease if not a cure. I pray I find some relief this year.
No matter how good or bad this year has been; I wish you a better year in 2014. I wish love and kindness upon you and yours. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!
But 2013 took more than it gave unfortunately. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & the disease has made me have to redefine not only my life but also myself. I am no longer the person I was a year ago. I can no longer work. It overshadows everything I do and there isn't one time that my actions are limited by my disease. I can't even do my own grocery shopping anymore. I've spent the majority of my life overcoming obstacles and keeping things positive. I've spent the majority of my life asserting my independence and doing everything I had to do to provide for y children. This disease has become my greatest challenge. I'm looking forward to 2014 with cautious hope. I am going to find the new me! Hopefully I will be able to find my optimism again. I'm going to find a way to shake this funk off. I pray that they at least find a better medication for this disease if not a cure. I pray I find some relief this year.
No matter how good or bad this year has been; I wish you a better year in 2014. I wish love and kindness upon you and yours. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Life will be what I make of it
Just a quick note: Always hit save before closing an app!
As you may have noticed, I have been struggling lately to find myself. I feel as though my disease has taken everything away that constitutes me. I have been independent to some extent for as long as I can remember .
I was telling a friend of mine about Head Start yesterday. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Head Start is a preschool for the financially challenged. The goal is to instill in very young children that they can take care of themselves (like set up a luncheon for their parents, serve the juice and cookies and clean up after themselves). If the program still works in the same manner as it did all those years ago.......in a galaxy far away....then it is extremely successful. I have done everything in my power to be independent my entire life.
Well all that has changed. I must depend on others to take care of me and mine since I am unable to do so myself. This has set me into a complete identity crisis.
Truthfully, I have found myself in tears several times a day for the last few weeks. The good news is that I recognize the problem and have been looking for a solution.
Bare with me now....I have to take u the round about way there......
My car broke down recently. In the course of waiting for it to be repaired, the battery in my phone started to die; This resulted in me borrowing power from the local AT&T. While waiting for my phone to charge, I futzed around with an IPAD. I found an app that looked interesting on it. So later, I looked for the app and found one called Newsify. Well, this app lead me to an interesting article called Project 365.
It can be any number of things but in this case they were discussing photography. It's a commitment to yourself and in some cases, to the public that you will take a picture once a day for a year.
I have decided that this is the first step for me in the right direction to help me find my worth again.
So dear friends, family and random reader, I commit to my Project 365 beginning January 1, 2014 (the year my baby graduates high school). Not only will I take 1 photo per day but I will share 1 photo per day. I may write a small note about the picture, a large post or a poem along with it......but no matter how good or bad, I will share 1 photo a day.
I hope you are excited as I am. Here is a little preview to wet your whistle:
Weekend Storm
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
What a difference a visit makes .......
I had an old friend stop in for a visit all the way from GA! We sat and talked for hours. Even though I didn't completely forget about my pain....It was placed on the back burner as we reminisced and talked and talked and talked some more. Kids, men, kids, boys, kids, friends, health, respect, faith, friendship, love.....Nothing in the world can beat a true friendship. Nothing in the world can beat a visit from a friend.
I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. It helps to reflect upon the good things in our lives and it's great to spend time with a friend. I know I keep saying it but the truth is that I get pretty lonely sometimes and this visit means the world to me :)
Now as promised, a discussion on disability. You would think that, if a person was to become permanently disabled, the process to receive disability would be pretty simple so that those who need the help can get the help. No...it's just like any other government run agency. You have to fill out loads of forms and subject yourself to a complete evaluation on the limitations that have presented themselves to your lives. It is a difficult process emotionally because it completely reminds you of all the things that you can no longer do and what you can no longer achieve. They also may ask that you see one of their doctors...either the psychologist or a general physician or both. I got the psychologist(which I never even saw a copy of the report....apparently you don't get to see that until a later point in the process)
Then after all of that, right off the bat(which means 6 months down the road), you are denied. The letter informing you of your denial is worded carefully....it states that they are not saying that they believe that I can return to my previous job but there must be something out there that I can do though they do not know specifically what that is. They state that they are not claiming that I do not have the issues I do....but I could be worse. It's truly a ridiculous letter designed to cover their tushes while hiding the real reason for the denial. My age.
That's right, if you are under 55, apparently according to the government, you can't possibly be disabled. So they deny you upon your first request.
At that point, you appeal their decision. Then you fill out all the forms again reminding yourself of all the things you can't do. But I think this is the important part, they request records from your physician. Yeah...not until the appeals process....I find it strange that they can deny your claim without having those records but that's the truth of the matter. I have been told that at this point(where I am now) only 20% are approved. I'm hoping and praying that I am part of that 20%, though everyone has told me that I shouldn't expect it ....once again because of my age. I would think that since they have my medical records now, it should be simple. My doctor (a highly respected physician) has made it absolutely clear ,both to me as well as in the medical records, that I am permanently disabled. He has been blunt with me because the truth of the matter is that I would trade almost anything in this world to be healthy again....even partially...enough to support myself and my family again.
Now I have been informed that if I am denied at this point, the next step is a court hearing. There is a possibility that I wouldn't even have to physically attend the meeting seeing as, depending how far away it is, driving makes my pain worse. Now here's the kicker, if I have to go to the hearing portion of the appeals, the courts are backed up. The shortest amount of time I should expect before a hearing can be scheduled is currently a year....could be as long as 2 years. We are talking after the first 9 months of the process.
So since my temporary disability is no longer in effect, I have been told to expect that I will have absolutely no money for at least a year and an a half. That's the minimum amount of time.....and it's mainly in my case because of my AGE! Its not because I'm not disabled....I have documented proof that I am. It's because of my age and it truly is sad.
There has to be a better way to weed out fraud while caring for the people who truly do need the help. You are entitled to it if you qualify based on your previous work experience. If you contributed to the system for the correct number of years, you are entitled to receive a disability payment should u become disabled. But the system appears to be so delayed that it is damaged...maybe even broken. No one who is familiar with my case and with the system have any doubt that I will eventually be approved. When I am approved, I will receive a payment that goes back to when I initially filed when I stopped working. So...there isn't any savings for the government. It's similar to an insurance claim., they will delay payment and deny payment in the hopes that you will give up and then they don't have to pay. It's really despicable that even though they have all the proof they need that I am permanently disabled, that they still hope that it just becomes too much for me to handle and I give up.
Well, I will not be giving up because unfortunately I don't have a choice....I"m permanently disabled.
I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. It helps to reflect upon the good things in our lives and it's great to spend time with a friend. I know I keep saying it but the truth is that I get pretty lonely sometimes and this visit means the world to me :)
Now as promised, a discussion on disability. You would think that, if a person was to become permanently disabled, the process to receive disability would be pretty simple so that those who need the help can get the help. No...it's just like any other government run agency. You have to fill out loads of forms and subject yourself to a complete evaluation on the limitations that have presented themselves to your lives. It is a difficult process emotionally because it completely reminds you of all the things that you can no longer do and what you can no longer achieve. They also may ask that you see one of their doctors...either the psychologist or a general physician or both. I got the psychologist(which I never even saw a copy of the report....apparently you don't get to see that until a later point in the process)
Then after all of that, right off the bat(which means 6 months down the road), you are denied. The letter informing you of your denial is worded carefully....it states that they are not saying that they believe that I can return to my previous job but there must be something out there that I can do though they do not know specifically what that is. They state that they are not claiming that I do not have the issues I do....but I could be worse. It's truly a ridiculous letter designed to cover their tushes while hiding the real reason for the denial. My age.
That's right, if you are under 55, apparently according to the government, you can't possibly be disabled. So they deny you upon your first request.
At that point, you appeal their decision. Then you fill out all the forms again reminding yourself of all the things you can't do. But I think this is the important part, they request records from your physician. Yeah...not until the appeals process....I find it strange that they can deny your claim without having those records but that's the truth of the matter. I have been told that at this point(where I am now) only 20% are approved. I'm hoping and praying that I am part of that 20%, though everyone has told me that I shouldn't expect it ....once again because of my age. I would think that since they have my medical records now, it should be simple. My doctor (a highly respected physician) has made it absolutely clear ,both to me as well as in the medical records, that I am permanently disabled. He has been blunt with me because the truth of the matter is that I would trade almost anything in this world to be healthy again....even partially...enough to support myself and my family again.
Now I have been informed that if I am denied at this point, the next step is a court hearing. There is a possibility that I wouldn't even have to physically attend the meeting seeing as, depending how far away it is, driving makes my pain worse. Now here's the kicker, if I have to go to the hearing portion of the appeals, the courts are backed up. The shortest amount of time I should expect before a hearing can be scheduled is currently a year....could be as long as 2 years. We are talking after the first 9 months of the process.
So since my temporary disability is no longer in effect, I have been told to expect that I will have absolutely no money for at least a year and an a half. That's the minimum amount of time.....and it's mainly in my case because of my AGE! Its not because I'm not disabled....I have documented proof that I am. It's because of my age and it truly is sad.
There has to be a better way to weed out fraud while caring for the people who truly do need the help. You are entitled to it if you qualify based on your previous work experience. If you contributed to the system for the correct number of years, you are entitled to receive a disability payment should u become disabled. But the system appears to be so delayed that it is damaged...maybe even broken. No one who is familiar with my case and with the system have any doubt that I will eventually be approved. When I am approved, I will receive a payment that goes back to when I initially filed when I stopped working. So...there isn't any savings for the government. It's similar to an insurance claim., they will delay payment and deny payment in the hopes that you will give up and then they don't have to pay. It's really despicable that even though they have all the proof they need that I am permanently disabled, that they still hope that it just becomes too much for me to handle and I give up.
Well, I will not be giving up because unfortunately I don't have a choice....I"m permanently disabled.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Chris Angel's Neck
I was sitting here watching tv(my second largest pastime since becoming disabled. I saw a commercial for Chris Angel's newest stunt. If you don't know who he is, he is a magician known for his over the top tricks. Some would compare him to a modern day Houdini.
Well, his most recent trick entails being placed in 2 straight jackets, hung upside down and have a 50 lb weight(or a rope that weighs 50 lbs (it wasn't really clear which). All I could think was why in the world would anyone put themselves in a position to hurt their spine. Maybe if they knew what my daily life is like, they would be more careful so as not to jeopardize their quality of life.
I know I haven't checked in lately. I was under the impression that I was doing a good impression of a person handling all the latest stresses well. You should see it, my impression, it's really pretty damn great. ......Except then I realized some little things. For example, I haven't been on here a while, I haven't spent any quality time with friends and family(couldn't bear the thought of picking up the phone even), had a hard time when people did call sometimes, I shower every other day and since my clothes are too tight on me because I have gained alot of weight due to medication and lack of activity, I don't have any money at all coming in since my temporary disability has run out and my permanent is in appeals(if denied, could take another year before I get a hearing to have it approved...(.more on this will follow.) ).......
Truth is the pain has been getting worse as we transition into winter. I am in constant pain and occasionally will have a wave of fresh and stronger pain shoot through my body. I'm cranky. I'm tired. I'm sad.
So who in their right mind would jeopardize their life in a deliberate way that could end up like me? Ok so you say your not in your right mind....or that the money is worth it.....trust me...it's not.....This is a horrible disease. Well enough on ranting on Chris Angel.....I promise my next post will at least be an attempt at being more productive....Keep your eyes open for a frank conversation about the disability system. (I know exciting right? )
Toodles for now
Well, his most recent trick entails being placed in 2 straight jackets, hung upside down and have a 50 lb weight(or a rope that weighs 50 lbs (it wasn't really clear which). All I could think was why in the world would anyone put themselves in a position to hurt their spine. Maybe if they knew what my daily life is like, they would be more careful so as not to jeopardize their quality of life.
I know I haven't checked in lately. I was under the impression that I was doing a good impression of a person handling all the latest stresses well. You should see it, my impression, it's really pretty damn great. ......Except then I realized some little things. For example, I haven't been on here a while, I haven't spent any quality time with friends and family(couldn't bear the thought of picking up the phone even), had a hard time when people did call sometimes, I shower every other day and since my clothes are too tight on me because I have gained alot of weight due to medication and lack of activity, I don't have any money at all coming in since my temporary disability has run out and my permanent is in appeals(if denied, could take another year before I get a hearing to have it approved...(.more on this will follow.) ).......
Truth is the pain has been getting worse as we transition into winter. I am in constant pain and occasionally will have a wave of fresh and stronger pain shoot through my body. I'm cranky. I'm tired. I'm sad.
So who in their right mind would jeopardize their life in a deliberate way that could end up like me? Ok so you say your not in your right mind....or that the money is worth it.....trust me...it's not.....This is a horrible disease. Well enough on ranting on Chris Angel.....I promise my next post will at least be an attempt at being more productive....Keep your eyes open for a frank conversation about the disability system. (I know exciting right? )
Toodles for now
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